time for a joke

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ION 4ever
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time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από ION 4ever » Τετ 06 Ιουν 2012, 23:40

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SOCCER 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, ∞§*-/>.
_________ _________ _________ _________

Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind,Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!


IT SUPPORT DESK
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
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delfini05
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από delfini05 » Πέμ 07 Ιουν 2012, 00:11

:skaw: :skaw: :skaw:

:urock:
Το δένδρο είναι ίδιο, η πλευρά θέασης είναι διαφορετική...
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firefightergr
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από firefightergr » Κυρ 24 Ιουν 2012, 22:50

Εικόνα
"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
John Milton"
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2vj6jpz.gif[/img]
“It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.”
Diane Grant
"sursum corda"
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skion
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από skion » Κυρ 24 Ιουν 2012, 23:42

That's a great sign-thingy!! :)

Here there is one that crack me up, and it's so true!
The TRUE STORY of a MARRIED MAN

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Naturally, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Also naturally, my wife loves to browse.
Yesterday the dear girl received the following letter from our local Target store:


Dear Mrs. Harris ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and are sending this letter to notify you that both you and your husband are from this day forward banned from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OHNO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.
..you are God in your universe, you're not God in God's universe.
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ION 4ever
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από ION 4ever » Δευ 25 Ιουν 2012, 00:57

skion έγραψε:And last, but not least:16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
:lol: :lol: :lol:
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από firefightergr » Σάβ 30 Ιουν 2012, 09:10

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
John Milton"
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2vj6jpz.gif[/img]
“It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.”
Diane Grant
"sursum corda"
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firefightergr
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από firefightergr » Σάβ 07 Ιούλ 2012, 12:23

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
John Milton"
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2vj6jpz.gif[/img]
“It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.”
Diane Grant
"sursum corda"
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firefightergr
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από firefightergr » Παρ 15 Μαρ 2013, 21:39

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
John Milton"
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2vj6jpz.gif[/img]
“It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.”
Diane Grant
"sursum corda"
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butterfly
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από butterfly » Κυρ 17 Μαρ 2013, 23:52

EXAMPLE OF SOCIALIZED MEDICINE
The Ottawa Hospital
Compassionate People
World-Class Care
Dear Sir:
The results from the lab work confirm that the red ring around your penis was not cancer.
It was lipstick.
We sincerely apologize for the amputation.
Αν η εργασια δεν ειναι πια δικαιωμα,τοτε κι η πληρωμη των φορων δεν αποτελει πια καθηκον!
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firefightergr
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από firefightergr » Τρί 16 Απρ 2013, 19:28

Maz Jobrani

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
John Milton"
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2vj6jpz.gif[/img]
“It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.”
Diane Grant
"sursum corda"
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Exciter
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από Exciter » Τετ 17 Απρ 2013, 01:15



:rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2:
Ἀταλαίπωρος τοῖς πολλοῖς ἡ ζήτησις τῆς ἀληθείας, καὶ ἐπὶ τὰ ἑτοῖμα μᾶλλον τρέπονται. Θουκ. Α20
Προειδοποίηση: Ό,τι γράφετε ΘΑ χρησιμοποιηθεί εναντίον σας!
ΕΤΥΜΩΣ ΕΤΟΙΜΟΣ ;)
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firefightergr
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Re: time for a joke

Δημοσίευση από firefightergr » Παρ 28 Μαρ 2014, 19:12

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
John Milton"
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2vj6jpz.gif[/img]
“It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.”
Diane Grant
"sursum corda"
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